Coping with loss on Mother’s Day
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2007
by Stacey Hennessy
Mother's Day and More
Mother’s Day is meant for celebrating, but if your own mom recently passed away, it can be hard to get in the festive mood. The first Mother’s Day after your mom’s death can be very difficult, but there are things you can do to cope with your feelings of loss on this special day. We can’t promise that next Mother’s Day will be easier, but there are ways to make this holiday more positive by honoring her memory each year.
There are many people who miss your mom and they’re probably all thinking about her as Mother’s Day approaches. Why not invite your siblings, family members or close friends to lunch and share your favorite stories about her? Your get together doesn’t have to be elaborate - talking about her over pizza and soda is perfectly fine. If you’re feeling up to it, cook some of her favorite dishes to share with your guests.
You might choose to have your memory celebration the day before Mother’s Day. Many female grief survivors participate in Motherless Daughter’s Day on the Saturday before Mother’s Day. This allows the women to dedicate a day to their mothers’ memories and still be available for their own children the next day.
Spending time with loved ones during sad times is an important way of coping with loss. It helps to know that other people are missing your mom as much as you are. Sharing the ways you remember her will help you realize you’re not alone in your grief. It can also open up the lines of support and make everyone more comfortable in calling each other or getting together just to chat about her.
Start something
Instead of having a painful yearly reminder of your loss, why not plan something to look forward to? Organize a small outing for your family each Mother’s Day to a park for a picnic or even a weekend away. Making a yearly donation to a charity on Mother’s Day can help you feel like you’re doing something positive.
You could also create a memory box that contains copies of your favorite pictures of your mom, a CD with her favorite song, a bottle of her signature perfume and her favorite book. You can write your favorite memories about her in a book and add it to the collection. Open the box every Mother’s Day and reminisce about all the things you love about your mom.
Get it out
Sometimes it can feel like it’s easier to ignore Mother’s Day and not think about your mom at all. While that can be easier in the short term, suppressing your grief can cause more harm than good. When you address your feelings of sadness, you’ll learn to cope with those feelings and not let them control you. Your healing process will be easier and healthier if you’re willing to acknowledge your pain.
If you’re not up to spending Mother’s Day with extended family and friends, don’t push yourself, but be sure you take time on your own to remember your mom.
On or around Mother’s Day, don’t be surprised if you have a few outbursts. Being easily irritable, snapping at others for seemingly no reason and experiencing crying jags are all normal. Talk to those close to you about your reactions so they understand it’s your stress over the situation, not them, that’s causing you to lose your patience.
Mother’s Day can be very difficult if you’ve recently lost your mom and even if you’ve been without your mother for years. Finding positive ways to keep her memory alive and close will make the holiday a little easier to manage. Remember to take your time and not rush yourself through your grief. Make your Mother’s Day a personal celebration and you’ll always have her close to your heart.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)I lost my mother May 10, 2007. Yes, I have been dreading this Mother's Day. We were just talking about it before she passed. We were going to cook together..She was 77 years old and feel blessed to have had her this long, with all her grave illnesses. I will try and start a box, as you have said, and put all her favorite pieces of memories in it and open it every Mother's Day. Thank you for your help. Cindi
I lost my Mother April 9th, 2007. She was only 54 years old, and was my very best friend. She and I had taken my children to Disney World for 10 days, and she died 2 days after we got home. The month of May has been so hard on me- my son's b-day was the 7th, now Mother's day, and then my Mom's b-day is the 20th of May. I am not handling this well at all. I am an only child, and my Mom was my life. As of this coming Monday, she will have been dead for 5 weeks. She and I have never gone more than 2 days without speaking to one another. I am planning on having my grandmother(who is 88 years old), and some other friends of mine whose Mothers are no longer with them, over for lunch tomorrow. I am worried that I am taking on too much, but I don't want to lay around and feel sorry for myself. My children are 6 & 7 years old, and are missing their "Goo-na" very much as well. I am trying to be strong for everyone, but I feel as if I am letting them down. I am 33 years old, and have both of my parents in erns on my entertainment center. I have never felt so lost in my entire life. I don't really have any ?'s, but just felt the urge to get this off of my chest. Thank you to those who read this, and would love to have some feedback. I wish you all a Happy Mother's Day- KimberlyHi Kimberly, I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my mom, it will be 5 years this June 7. I am a only child too, but I am 35 now. It doesn't matter how old you are if you lose your mom. It's so hard at any age. This Mother's Day isn't any different than the first without her, it's still so hard. I miss her everyday. I am divorced and I have no children so I sometimes I feel like a orphan myself. :) As everyone says.... My mom was my best friend too, I think I talked to her atleast 3 times a day. When she died it took me along time to stop picking up the phone to dial her number. That was really hard. But it really does get better with time. I used to not be able to speak about her without crying and now she brings a great big smile to my face. There is still her birthday and the date she died that I feel like my heart is going to break, but I know that she wouldn't want me to stop my life. So 5 years later I give myself a chance to still be really sad when I need to. She was 59 and died of breast cancer. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Thank you for reading and I wish you so much luck and a Happy Mother's Day to you!!! CindiI can somewhat relate to you...This past mothers day 2008, I spent the day with my mom. Her birthday was the day after. She turned 56. 3 days later she died unexpectedly. I am 28 years old and have an 8 year old son. My mom was my best friend, we talked every day. I'm having so much trouble dealing with this loss. I have tried to keep positive for my son, but the weekends are especially hard...All I want to do is sleep. I dont have a clue what to do with myself! I would really appreciate any advice you, or anyone, may have as to how to cope and move on. I dont want to keep this up. I know its not good for me and not fair to my son.where is kim???
I lost my mom on Feb. 26 2007 she was 45 years old. she lost a long battle with juvenile diabetes. it was unexpected and has been really hard for me to cope with. i'm 22 and an only child. my grandmother is pretty much all that's left in our family, that and an uncle. 2 weeks before mom died my aunt stacey lost a 2 year battle with cancer. and 20 years ago my mom's sister was murdered. so it's alot for my grandmother too. there's not much left for me support wise. i know it's already been 3 months but it still feels like yesterday.
My mam died about 4 years ago and she was only 45 years old and i was only 8 years old and like all of them since i have been dreading this years mothers day.It seems like it has been longer as it feels it has been strethched out because i have thought about her every day.If she was here now I would run up to her and give her a big hug and never let go. This year I am organizing a big chat about her a couple days after mothers day.
My mom died this year on Easter Sunday, a blood clot traveled to her heart and killed her instantly, she was only 51 years old and I am only 27. I know a lot of people say that their mom was their very best friend and I am no exception. She was the one person in my life that always knew just what to say to make the mountains of problems I thought I was having seem like little hills I could just jump over. There have been so many things lately that I want to ask her, so many things that I need her advice on and although everyone tells me that I can still talk to her and I know deep down they are right I want her to be physically here with me. I want to see her and talk to her and hear her voice. I can't get one of her amazing hugs that makes everything better, I can't listen to her contagious laugh anymore. I always knew that my mom was the best thing in my life but it's not until you lose your mom that you realize the magnitude of importance mom's hold in your life. I am lost without her. I search for comfort in quotes and in poems and I found one today that I think best suits her. " A candle that shines twice as bright only burns half as long." Momma I love you and I miss you. This Mothers day will be one of the hardest days yet. To go to dinner and go shopping for flowers like we have every year for as long as I can remember with be so hard without you. But in your memory we will do it. Cause as hard as it is, your beautiful garden has to be as perfect as you have made it every year!! To everyone out there who has lost a mother. The only thing I can say is put one foot infront of the other everyday. Breathe in and out. When a memory pops into your head that makes you laugh then laugh. If it makes you cry then cry. If it makes you mad then be mad. Feel whatever you have to feel. From grief comes great strength!
My grandmother might as well have been my mother.. she was my life; my everything. She raised me more than my own mom did. She died in Georgia, on her way to florida.. her first real vacation with my poppop.. it was easter. We had to wait five days to get her body back in Jersey. Her viewing was march 28th. and my bday, march 29th. I cry every day. I can't get her out of my head. Every thought reverts back to her. I can't even look at my mother or my poppop without wanting to bawl. I dread every upcoming mother's day. This last one was so hard. I just went to the cemetary and cried my eyes out. She was my everything.. and then abandoned me right before my birthday. It's really really hard
My mom died many years ago when i was only 7 and she was 31. It never seems to get any easier. It's really tough when people that don't know ask what I'm doing for mothers day...What can you say but I'm going to the cemetery. Everyone of us that has gone through this horrible loss deals with it in our own way I just hope that from all this pain we stay strong and know that we were lucky to have these wonderful women in our lives even if for only a short time.
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